I started in worship. Thinking of an assignment given to me by my counselor. “Self-work” is difficult when you’re searching your soul and heart. This is what I painted in worship while thinking about how I view myself and how God actually views me.
I see myself lowly, with low self-confidence, as if I’m not enough sometimes, as in the shadows viewing myself from the past, but God sees me “Big.” A man of God. His child. Loved and valued by Him. I have to see myself in His light as a man with confidence in front of others, in public, in critiques, -basically I have to apply how God sees me in all aspects of my life. I can no longer walk in the shadows of my past or in the way I view myself.
Here’s what I painted:
Was gonna’ go to church today.
I kept hittin’ snooze.
I wanted to go.
I haven’t been lately.
I was worn out last night.
I was worn out this morning.
It doesn’t matter.
It’s bothersome that I condemned myself.
“You should be at church.”
“Why can’t you just get out of bed.”
Watch what you say.
Watch what you post on social media.
I kept thinking of those religious memes.
(Insert Kermit the frog drinking tea: “You can go to a concert on Saturday, but can’t make it to church at 10am on Sunday. But that’s none of my business.”)
It is your business.
If you want people in church.
Don’t condemn them.
Are you superior because you’re at church at 9:45am every Sunday?
At 5:45pm every Wednesday.
Religious people who post on social media.
Are they better?
Are you better because you’re at church every Sunday and Wednesday?
Are you better because you post condemning material on social media?
What makes you superior?
So today was Counseling.
I didn’t want to share a story.
So glad I did.
Healing is taking place.
Memories are being healed.
Traumatic events are being renewed.
Fear and terror will be no more.
God sits on his throne.
Calls me son.
Purple emanates hope.
Yellow shows light.
When things seem dark:
I see purple and yellow.
Sometimes I see yellow and green.
These to me-
Are colors of hope.
You are complete.
You are loved.
-Been doing a devotional that is helping me to see that beating yourself up is like crossing out what Jesus already did. I used to deal with cutting so learning that beating myself up mentally or harming myself is taking punishment upon myself for no reason.
-He's got you.
-He's got you.
No matter what I’ve done.
God sees me as his son.
God sees me as his child.
No matter what I do He doesn’t hate me.
He loves me.
His love is overwhelming.
He chose to have His Son die for us.
He loves us.
We are righteous.
We are children of God.
Not condemned, but cherished.
Not shamed, but loved.
Was having a rough night. Thinking about a few things and God took me to Psalm 42:5-6 … “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? HOPE -in- God; for I shall again praise Him, my Salvation and my God.”
My little sprout came into my life.
Growing into a new “pup.”
A doodle after worship service at United Church in Asheville, N.C.
“The Holy Spirit was given to us as a gift. He breathes into us.”
Was in worship yesterday at church service. After worship I doodled this:
The wind of the Lord was there. His presence was there. Winds of His grace.